Ah boys to Husband.

Can't explain much so just gonna let words roll. Continuing from a very long ago post. Title of the post is Day 3: human fatality. I talked of guys going out from husband back to boyfriend mode.
First off its my opinion so you are free to disagree but it should make sense to most people.Now that that's over and done with lets continue.

For me/guys like me. Dunno who you are but if u feel that way then its cool. There will be a point where the bf/gf thing stops. Yea it does. Lots of people break up when this change happens why? Cause well they don't think. Different people are different and well this happens to quite a lot of people. There will be a poin where one/both will be so comfortable with each other he/she will go into their wife/husband mode. It is auto and usually you may not notice yourself. It is when all the I love you thing don't happen often alr. Guys will start to concentrate on their work either school/working, girls may be more motherly then usual? This is where shit happens.

This process is done so that your body and mind test how well you and your other half can do if living together. Most couple might be breaking up at this point cause the female will think that the guy don't love her as much and the guy will feel that the girl is being paranoid and will be annoyed by her. This point in your R/S will be on that's on the test of trust and how deep your love is, not said but felt. The feeling when he hugs you, look at you, smile at you...
Some guys don't talk much, think too far and did too little but deep down what they want is just the best for you. Some don't fight cause they know they are not good enf.  They want a future, a possible future so they work hard and most wont talk about it. They push themselves without you know and when they fail they sink. You bring them back they'll push even harder but on the surface she will only see distance. All guys would know. Who will dare marry a odd job worker who would dare marry a guy with only his ITE cert with no stable job. Even if she don't mind we mind. There will always be a better man. If we alr lost in looks we can't lose in smarts. We live in that fear everyday. There is always a more handsome man in poly JC. The % of play boys maybe the same but they are the ones who can affort to have dinner at classy place. Time and brains to study fast and then plan all these romantic things and money to buy if they are too lazy to make themselves. We have alr lost so much. They want the best for "us" we want the best for you. So that everything is done and if we do die before you, there is nothin to worry about. You will have your girlfriends money is safe in the bank the housing debt has been paid and insurance give you enf money so you don't have to work. We are blocks of wood we suck at being romantic but all we want is to give you a good life and we strive and sadly always mistaken and we don't argue back. We know the risks we took it.

So much we want to do for you. Argument with your girlfriends? Help you all patch up so that you have a friend to talk to. Family problem? Teach you how to fix it or how to get along so if we ever split your family can support you. Like how a family should. So many thing we want for you to have and all we want is to see your smiling face at the end of the day. Happy. Satisfied. Even if we get weaker everyday we stand strong for you. We just want you happy. Nothing else matters.

Rewind

The past. My past. It was a dark place. Different people have different lives. We may go through the same things, but will we have the same endings? Bullies I've seen far too many and I've helped far too few. How can someone under attack help another? Draw the enemies' fire to yourself. My sense of justice may be off the charts. Its set too high. Cause I never ever want to see another hurt by them. But I'm a coward. I run. I can't fight them how can I? I use to be weak. Now I'm just fat. But when the weak group together we grow strong and the strong gets weaker.

I've seen too many when bullied just going with the insult and later claiming to hate the bullies. That's our generation. We hate something but we don't find help. We take it then hate it. The law/justice can't help you if you take the insult willing. I learn I train but in the end I failed again. Years went by they grew strong they broke away. Finally I stood. I push. I broke. Alone I suffered the aftermath. They can't do anything. Im the odd one. Even if you are my friends what can you do? You will be
casted out. Who would what that.

But its good enough that they don't join in. The can only sit there and stare straight. Too ashamed to look at me too guilty to laugh tgt. All they could do is help behind the screens. I was sad. But I saw the light. Not everyone is strong enf. I was not. How could I blame them. What changed? Swore not to pull my fist and I became a pussy. What gives? I'm becoming weak because I change for the better? Is that why evil loves their power? No. I'm just used to the shields. Standing up to the majority opposing them, now that is courage.

But I've lost my voice. My vocal talents are robbed. I spend days in silence. Hopping for change but ending with trouble. Now still my voice is locked and intentions unknown but I believe. I believe the one who will unlock my voice will find me somehow. I've never given up on anybody. Most are justified.
Enlightened I've seen the power of open mindness. The ability to keep an open mind. Its a great gift and I'm thankful I had it. But its a great test. Few can do it and it gets frustrating . But time will tell.

Special message to special people. Those who have stand with me all these years. I thank you from the bottom of my heart and will gladly be of service. Just drop a hint. A emo tweet will do. I'll be there.
"You be there for your friends then me leh? You've never been there for me."
Yes harsh words. May not have ever been said to me but I've said that for them. I've let down many people and while I may not show it I hate that I can't save everyone.
If you told me to go fuck myself and even if you don't mean it it hurts. But depending on situation I might help you if you are in trouble shortly after. But if are the popular kid with may friends and they alr went forward. I'll back off. I am not welcomed. Somewords said can't be taken back.

Sorry!

First of all a big SORRY for those who actually read my piece of crap blog. I stopped blogging for awhile due to the heavy timetable I have recently. All who told me ITE will be a breeze either has very very good time management or have 48 hours in one day.

So happy news. I am now helping with the teachers with F1 which means a lot to me. It is awesome to know that we are dependable in the eyes of our CA, but this also means that we have our work cut out for us and its really busy-ish. Then to make it better I have 3 presentation and an oral exam coming. Now I'm seriously pressed for time and hopefully I learn to manage my time well soon.

School is just ok la with my council of four and my F1 team should be fun. Right now I really want to study hard and get good results and assure myself that I can do something in my life right. There will be some nights in your life which u wonder why you are even born and what change will there be if you're never born. I think most affected might be Zoe but then again if she never met me she would have ended up with rayner.... scary thought. YY may have not been through those shit and I won't be disappointing everyone...
So if I wasn't born or died early so many shit I wont have put people through but hey shit happens so damn I shall live guilt ridden and disappointed with myself.