The Internship

So caught a movie The Internship a few days ago with a bunch of people. Who I went with not that important, why I went can be ignored, but that movie... to me its amazing.
So. What the movie is on first sight: Two guys, salesman top of their field is fired due to improving technological advancement. Now they found a way to have a steady job with is to complete an internship at Google and be full time workers there.

Some spoliers may be included turn back before its too late!

What I saw. A lot of myself? In a way. We see this two friends taken away from a world they are used to and grouped together with a bunch of misfits. I band tgt with people of a lower social status more cause they don't have to impress others, they don't have to stress about their dressing and they won't forget a friend. So the main character Billy(Vince Vaughn) and Nick(Owen Wilson) are two very lost souls trapped with IT geniuses in a group of 5. Their chance of success is very little and they try to get by with their social skills as salesman. They have the social skills while the rest have the brains. The friendship/ brother bond Billy(Vince Vaughn) and Nick(Owen Wilson) have is fucking amazing. You see the both of them sticking it out tgt, covering each other's backs and diving into shit tgt. Putting absolute trust and faith to beileve that the other know what he is doing. I really respect that, you can't really see this kind of bond now a days and if you're gonna call me a fag for wanting smth like this then I feel sad for you. This is real brotherhood. This is a real friend you can rely on if you're ever in trouble. Its smth like love but you don't expect shit from each other. Even in rs you do it cause of love but this you do cause he is a bro. This was a bomb.

Next scene is one in a club. Strip club. I don't know why but they learn things here. I don't really like it but its America they are more free and it balance the geek with a bit of social life. So in a way its fine. My friends said I look damn into this scene. Yea. I was. Its was a fucking long time since I heard club music. A long long time ago I wish to forget. This scene brought back too many shit I wanna forget. Few years back me and my so called friends went and sneaked in and we had fun. Until we realised one was missing and later realised she was spiked and raped. It was one of the worst moment in life. I never got in trouble with the police and I dunno if they covered me but the tongue lashing the father gave and the heart wrenching cries the mom delivered will forever be heard in my nightmares. Yea it was a older girl and one I didn't really know but I feel guilty. I could have done smth. Get less drunk? Look after the drinks? Head count? I dunno but I felt like I could have done smth, anything to stop it but I didn't. I watch on. I wanted to run to hide somewhere never to be found but that's a long time ago. Two bombs in a movie this is surely worth watching thru the end.

The last scene that delivered a bomb. It was when Billy(Vince Vaughn) met his rival in the google internship exam/challenges. They met and his rival remind him of one crucial fact. He fuckes everything up just as it became perfect. Billy got very affect and started breaking and getting nervous. He managed to get good practice for the upcoming exam/challenge and was smooth throughout the thing. But the curse hits home. He forgot to log into the site. His attempt was void. He fucked his team's chance to win the internship. He was defeated. He went to apologize to the team while they where talking about how its his fault but they never really did blame him. He only heard the bad part and he left. He knew he dragged his team down. He was a sinking ship. But he tried. He really did. He stayed up all night just to practice for the test. He aced it. Something he tried really hard to do and foiled by a fucking button. It was devastating.
At this point I see the look on his face and remembered, I remember this look all too well. The people I've let down. Their disappointed faces. My own emotions. I try hard too but something always happens. Its only when I want to put my heart and soul into thing that they turn back and bite me. I want a second chance and they deny me. Every time. Ever felt your heart breaking? You felt something crack and snap inside you. You feel smth shatter. You open your mouth to scream but nth comes out. You feel pain but you don't feel pain. It gets weird and you suddenly stop working.
I've learn to deal with it. Some times people shout at me. "How can you be so calm when you fucked smth up so bad. How do you come smiling and happy?" What can I say. What do you want me to do? I may have ideas to fixed it but you wont let me. You want me fixing by your rules. I'm the guy that fucking broke it how the fuck do you think you can piece back everything yourself. You know why I smile. Cause this society fucking judge too much. I come in sad and apologetic you gonna say I'm looking for pity. That its not gonna work. That I'm shedding crocodile tears and I'm a fag. Believe me, I've tried being apologetic. Didn't fucking work. End up getting more shit then I would have.

You know why people die? You know why they kill themselves? Cause they know they fuck up bad. And the worst part? Some times its not even their fucking fault. They never get a chance to fix what they broke they have to live a life knowing that something was broken and they couldn't even get a chance to fix it. They die cause they hope that by doing that every thing they ever done is fixed. Everything they will fuck up wont fuck up and everybody will be happy. Sad right.

I can't play by that rule. At the last moment I see. I help them before its too late. I give them all the chance they may never get to have from others. In return I have to fuck up. My whole life I have to. And at last when God feels that I've saved enf or done enf. He will sent me somebody. Somebody that will give me that chance nobody else would.
I really hope its her...

"US"
They call me dumb
They call me stupid
They look at me weird
They think I've lost it
But who will ever know what I have felt
When in her arms the walls always held
They see the sadness and darkness that frown
But did they see the joys and me sleeping so sound

Trust? Courage? Love?

So following my rant I was reading up on war stories and stuff and glad to find myself a coward. Glad cause well heck Im bloody glad I don't have to go thru that but half the things they did would I do them? Could I actually jump on top of a grenade to save my team? Would I lead the charge and boost my teams moral? Dare I drop my weapon and fly the flag? I won't have the guts to do most things but that's me before. NCC improved a lot about myself. Being a team player is important and respecting each other is always the top of the list. I was in a group full of Malays and (I'm not being racist here everybody does this) they spoke in their own language which I'm fine with as long as somebody is willing to translate. In a way I could have asked them to speak in English but lets face it the respect is already lost. This is a important factor in a team and I learn the hard way how it feels like being ostracise. It may not be a huge issue in SG but other countries may not be as nonchalant.

Things I find in people I trust. Loyalty. I don't need a human dog but as long as you are loyal to the group its all good I don't need you to be a scape goat or cut off your hand but never bully your own friends never betray the group and never ever backstab your friends. Respect. I need you to respect all things woman and animals are two top for me. I have since dunno when stood up for the weak or those who are unable to defend themselves. I know how it feels like and the struggle they go through it feels only right that I take the heat off from them onto me. I have a strong support that they may not have. Never disrespect females(two timing beating etc) and don't you fucking dare hurt any animal.
Backbone/self awareness? Never ever steal your friend's girl/guy. Its fine when you care about him/her but when the problem starts coming and they start looking to you for everything always divert them back to their halfs. Nearly fell into this one. One day it just boom to me "wow you are better them my bf" I nearly fell off my chair.  I replied " No? whenever you complain I'll ask what's going on and shit cause I hardly talk to you solving/talking bout your problems keep our friendship close if you think I'm better just because of this then you need to reevaluate your meaning of love. If you say I care more then that's a lie. I just ask the right question at the right time. Always ask them to talk to their partner. Girls! sometimes the guy is just lost on what to say to calm you down, either 1 of you just say I'm sorry for shouting or whatever and talk about it calmly. Most of the time its just stress/small stupid things and those girls that need the bf 24/7 you really need a hobby that DOES NOT involve other guys.

Its not fair to kill it when he is slugging his guts off for your future and you go for the guy that satisfy your present. Learn to look into the future. Both of you dating with a normal job from 9-5? You only can meet for dinner? Unless you guys are staying tgt people go through that for 5/6 years of dating to see if they can handle everything and if you need him 24/7 you need to find a guy rich as fuck to run to you whenever you cry.

Finally consistency. I wont bet my life on you if you say you sing and then you stop doing it cause you hella ugly and then go train your body but got lazy and decide to rot and then suddenly go back to music. If you wanna pin me you wont get a chance. Music have been a part of me since I understand words. I may have stops here and there but the passion burns. I stand by my own music and even if I never really did release it its cause it wasn't perfect. I have not enf talent to fused the melody with accompany back track and my voice isn't out of this world so I cover others and hopefully grow my voice.

Just thoughts from my head

Late night thoughts

HELLO FELLOW BLOGGERS. Sorry guys been out sooooooo long just didn't have the time and energy to do this haha exam was close and I had stuff going on. Well at this current point in time I find myself alone. Again. Haha I guess it was bad at first and I was hateful? Everybody was under attack and it is at this point where everybody came back to me. All my sis and brothers. I was so happy. This means a lot cause it shows that what I've done actually made you guys remember me. Thanks to all who helped me along the way much loved♥.

So yea here I am. What's my next move? I really dunno. It is weird trying to get my life tgt again. I have realised that hey its sort of my problem much more then others and yea I should just think about stuff. Had a talk with my 大姐, she thinks I'm thinking too far-ish. Which I may be I dunno. Reason being this: I wanted have a good job in the future. Which means a good certificate and ITE cert can't get much unless you work hard so I wanted go poly but poly admission need 3.5 GPA to apply and I'm aiming 3.8 and above. Why? Cause I'm pining everything on the R/S and if I ever get married I really want my wife to be able to rest and home and grow our kids. I've seen too much bad parenting and child care are horrifying. I want to be able to get my kids anything they want. I want to be able to hold the family. But its just me. It made me work hard and I'm proud of my school work but I slowly forgot bout what I have now. The signs where all there but I was too busy planning and worrying bout the future to see the present. Could we work smth out? Yea for sure but I don't trust myself. Its either gonna be r/s heavy or study heavy and I will lose 1 again. NS would be another huge barrier and I really dunno what will happen then.

So they say focus on R/S treasure what you have if she love you she will go thru anything with you. I hate to say this but bullshit. Would you feel good if you can't earn enf and your wife HAVE to work? Who's gonna care for the kids? Who is gonna make the home warm and loving so your child's wants to go back home everyday and not hate this bed he is sleeping in. How would you feel when your child tells you bout the cool new stuff you can never affort to buy and your wife talking to her girlfriends all stay home and relaxed going for holidays or outing with their kids. If you are so into R/S in lets say sec school and you retain grades what's the use? After sec you straight go NS you think she will stay? They are more handsome and richer guys who are younger then you who can affort to buy her clothes and shoes and buy her flowers everyday. Heck those older kids can even get a car. What can you do? Us your heart? Yes you may love her to the sun and back but what of that guy does to? Its like having the same GPA and she is now looking at the CCA grade. Bitch you ain't got shit and when he is in NS he may alr have a year's job and waiting to start again after he comes out and you? You will have to continue studying or get a shitty job that you may not like and want.

Now you may ask do you believe in true love? Yes I do but I have to face reality too if I cant hold a family don't start 1. I will be a burden to everybody my kids will hate me and society will judge the family. Success stories? Yea you get your PHD from a ITE cert but how old are you alr? 30+? People got it at 20+ alr working and saving before you could even find a job. FT is fucking up the job system you stand a chance?
But all this its just me on my life. Its a lot to ask for and I'm asking a lot from myself. I hate being poor.
Reminds me of a question somebody asked me. Why are you single guys poor. Well we are saving. For our future girl, I dunno others but I save 100-200 dollars for the first 2/3 dates and if I get her the saving will keep going up. So we will always complain poor cause we are trying not to use our money. 100-200 easy save what. Yea but we have to update ourselves right who will date a hobo. But saying that I have been to very little places in SG haha shall try explore bah
On that epic note I think I'll end this post

RANT OVER~