Late night thoughts

HELLO FELLOW BLOGGERS. Sorry guys been out sooooooo long just didn't have the time and energy to do this haha exam was close and I had stuff going on. Well at this current point in time I find myself alone. Again. Haha I guess it was bad at first and I was hateful? Everybody was under attack and it is at this point where everybody came back to me. All my sis and brothers. I was so happy. This means a lot cause it shows that what I've done actually made you guys remember me. Thanks to all who helped me along the way much loved♥.

So yea here I am. What's my next move? I really dunno. It is weird trying to get my life tgt again. I have realised that hey its sort of my problem much more then others and yea I should just think about stuff. Had a talk with my 大姐, she thinks I'm thinking too far-ish. Which I may be I dunno. Reason being this: I wanted have a good job in the future. Which means a good certificate and ITE cert can't get much unless you work hard so I wanted go poly but poly admission need 3.5 GPA to apply and I'm aiming 3.8 and above. Why? Cause I'm pining everything on the R/S and if I ever get married I really want my wife to be able to rest and home and grow our kids. I've seen too much bad parenting and child care are horrifying. I want to be able to get my kids anything they want. I want to be able to hold the family. But its just me. It made me work hard and I'm proud of my school work but I slowly forgot bout what I have now. The signs where all there but I was too busy planning and worrying bout the future to see the present. Could we work smth out? Yea for sure but I don't trust myself. Its either gonna be r/s heavy or study heavy and I will lose 1 again. NS would be another huge barrier and I really dunno what will happen then.

So they say focus on R/S treasure what you have if she love you she will go thru anything with you. I hate to say this but bullshit. Would you feel good if you can't earn enf and your wife HAVE to work? Who's gonna care for the kids? Who is gonna make the home warm and loving so your child's wants to go back home everyday and not hate this bed he is sleeping in. How would you feel when your child tells you bout the cool new stuff you can never affort to buy and your wife talking to her girlfriends all stay home and relaxed going for holidays or outing with their kids. If you are so into R/S in lets say sec school and you retain grades what's the use? After sec you straight go NS you think she will stay? They are more handsome and richer guys who are younger then you who can affort to buy her clothes and shoes and buy her flowers everyday. Heck those older kids can even get a car. What can you do? Us your heart? Yes you may love her to the sun and back but what of that guy does to? Its like having the same GPA and she is now looking at the CCA grade. Bitch you ain't got shit and when he is in NS he may alr have a year's job and waiting to start again after he comes out and you? You will have to continue studying or get a shitty job that you may not like and want.

Now you may ask do you believe in true love? Yes I do but I have to face reality too if I cant hold a family don't start 1. I will be a burden to everybody my kids will hate me and society will judge the family. Success stories? Yea you get your PHD from a ITE cert but how old are you alr? 30+? People got it at 20+ alr working and saving before you could even find a job. FT is fucking up the job system you stand a chance?
But all this its just me on my life. Its a lot to ask for and I'm asking a lot from myself. I hate being poor.
Reminds me of a question somebody asked me. Why are you single guys poor. Well we are saving. For our future girl, I dunno others but I save 100-200 dollars for the first 2/3 dates and if I get her the saving will keep going up. So we will always complain poor cause we are trying not to use our money. 100-200 easy save what. Yea but we have to update ourselves right who will date a hobo. But saying that I have been to very little places in SG haha shall try explore bah
On that epic note I think I'll end this post

RANT OVER~