30/11/2014

What hurts more?

Knowing that your ex moved on?

Or

Knowing that whoever he/she is with now is doing the same things you guys did when you are together.

What hurts more?

To realised that they are all you really need in life?

Or

You have been successfully replaced by a more suitable candidate.

What HURTS more?

Knowing that you will ALWAYS want they back

Or

Knowing that you will never be good enough for them even if they come back. History REPEATS itself.

What hurts MORE?

Silently Watching, Waiting and HURTING while they go thru with the ups and downs in their lives

Or

Trying SO HARD to get them back you make each other suffer?

What Hurts More?

Knowing that no matter how PERFECT your NEXT is going to be you will always compare the both of them.

Or

Knowing that NO ONE ELSE can take your shit other than your EX and that EX is NEVER coming back.

WHAT HURTS?

EVERTHING.

IT ALL FUCKING HURTS.

But I know I won’t be able to give you what you NEED. I know you really tried but eventually I’m just not doing enough. Life is so fucked when you are in constant conflict with yourself. Your heart wants them back but your brain is calculating millions of scenario on how you can Possibly FUCK everything up AGAIN.

Nightmares come frequently now.

Your embrace use to keep my safe, nowadays I can’t even wake myself up be it nightmare or to continue living.

POKEMON!!!

HIHI! Haha so today shall be a fun post. As Y’all may or may not know Pokémon Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire was released on the 21^st of November. My buddies and I went to collect it in the afternoon and was basically drooling all over the game. Call me childish but damn Pokémon paid a major part in my life and I learned many things through the game. It’s just a really nice game to play and waste what little time I have left. I never really had pets and the Pokémon I raised and all kinda acts as a pet to me. Currently trying to complete the game to that I can go to my friends’ secrete base. Battling each other competitively is really fun too. We use to think that legendary Pokémon are the best Pokémon right? Nope. I got to destroy a pure legendary team with my own “normal” team and had that rush of joy I didn’t get to have in a long time. When you fail enough time in life every little achievement feel like a big one to you and I guess I have really low expectations right now.

Anyway if any of you reader have Pokémon ORAS feel free to leave a comment your Friend Code and IGN. Currently ORAS is my fav cause of all they old areas but the new graphics are really awesome.

Anyway after getting the game and slacking off awhile I went off with the guys for some light drinking. Had a bottle of Tiger and ate fried carrot cake at like 9/10 p.m. at night. Totally killed my throat but the important point was that I really get to see real confidence. They guys were fooling around and tried getting insta names and phone numbers. I don’t know what affect me more, my low confidence or the face that I am uncomfortable approaching women when I’m stinking of alcohol. Anyways I tried twice but both times I backed off eventually. It’s ok though I can actually see how or why such confidence is attractive. They aren’t being douchebag or being high and mighty, just enough “SWAG” to go up to a female and asked her for a picture or number with serious interest. Some people won’t like it and that’s understandable but I don’t feel that my friends did it in a way that is disrespectful to the girls so all is well plus we aren’t drunk. I only knew I stink when I went home and my brother mention how bad I smell of alcohol.

AnyHOW I’ll post soon about my trip to the WildWildWet soon so stay tuned! 

20/11/2014

Damn I’m late on my posting again huh…. Heh kinda have a lot to do right now? Finally over and done with my Event pitching and it was a fun experience. Doubt we will ever experience that again anytime soon unless we all get to polyL.

The future is still uncertain but I’ll just keep moving onwards I guess. Change what I can and leave the rest up to fate/destiny.

Kind of random no link but I’m getting increasing irritated that I’m unable to text people properly. Especially after breaking up, the moment you realise your phone will never ring again. You will stop rushing to reply messages and virtually you can live without your phone. Usually I choose to be alone but I hate being lonely. I can take a walk outside on my own perfectly fine but when I ask people out and nobody wants to that just pretty shitty I guess. Singapore is not big, memories of me and her hang around every corner. There is no way in hell I’ll forget but maybe I could replace them with others.

Really dumb how I keep going back to the same old topic eh? But honestly it’s all that I can think about especially when I’m alone. I can smile and laugh and make people laugh the whole day but at the end I’m still just a sad soul. But I guess that just how things are when you replace the centre of your world with a single person. Suddenly your world stops spinning and you keep walking back and forth. Then I may not be able to say it but now I’m pretty sure I’m willing to go thru everything all over again. The joy she brought to me far outweighs the pain I have to go through with her leaving. This few years gave me the best memories and that I’ll treasure.

I’ll probably walk out of this web in time but its gonna take time.

Bad Day

Sometimes its days like that that I miss all the terrible things I do to myself. Getting beat up just to feel pain, cutting and smoking. I actually really only miss getting beat up and smoking. Getting beaten up just helps toughen me physically and it just feel good to know I can take some hits. If you drink often or drink to get over something you will know how it feels like when I’m smoking. You don’t have to think about anything. You don’t even have to be with someone. You just focus on drawing in the smoke from the tip into your lungs. It is sort of comforting? I don’t know. It just grew on me. They only other way I can totally get relaxed is either sit on the ledge somewhere really really high or at the seaside. I am not a big fan of heights but the fear of falling combined with the knowledge that after I fall I will never feel anything ever again helps to settle me. I think I’m gonna go into relapse again…

Just finished making this skull. :) Took me forever to make this now but I'm still glad I didn't need to look at the instructions 

14/11/2014

Welp Sorry for the late post. Have been really busy with projects and such and was really too damn tired to think haha. Well I would like to think I did better for my projects. I mostly did them on time and most of the mistakes are not too serious and I was able to change it before it went bad. Met up with Eugene on my way home the other day and after much convincing I end up smoking with him. Truth is I having wanting that shit for ages but I tried not to take it. Been clean for almost a year now but I guess I’m back to square one.

Say whatever you want but you and I both know you will never fucking feel any of my pain. Just be glad it’s not drugs and that it is no longer the blade because I’m pretty sure I can’t control how deep I’ll go anymore.

I actually thought I finally know what to do with my life but no, plans never go according to how I lay it out. Irony at its best.

9/11/2014

Hey errrr this is awkward haha I usually don’t double post and especially not after something that was so light hearted. The previous post was still kind of funny and stuff but everything have its timing I guess. Heard this song on the radio and I really needed to post this…

I've never had a dream come true

Till the day that I found you

Even though I pretend that I've moved on

You'll always be my baby

I never found the words to say

You're the one I think about each day

And I know no matter where life takes me to

A part of me will always be with you

Kind of stupid I know. It has been a long time but still it hurts from time to time. People say it shouldn’t and stuff but you have to know nothing beats your first love and nothing will replace those memories. Sometimes I’ll still wake up dreaming that we were back together. I do try to be as fine as possible tho, not that it helps… the ending was just sudden. Too sudden. Any reason would have sufficed… any… but no. You just said something like it’s not working and that you are able to go without texting me now. Sounded like you’re bored with me already and yet before that you said you will never get bored with me.

You still remember the arguments we had and you’ll keep saying that I’ll never understand? Remember when we made up and you said I’m one of the few that understands you? I knew. All along I see warning signs and siren bells but I never wanted to acknowledge them I trust that you know what is best for you. I know I’m terribly flawed but I thought you understood. I remember that night when you said I wasn’t spending enough time with you. I though we agreed to talk about this. Before we made up, you knew why I was busy. I wanted to get a good cert to get a good job so that I can take care of you. I also said that you have to let me know if you needed anything. I tried to do better I really did but if that was not enough why couldn’t you let me know. You broke me so… It is hard finding out that you got tgt with a guy less than a week after we stopped. You could have just looked me in the eye and say that you liked somebody else, maybe I would hate you but I can’t. I know it takes two hand to clap. I fucked up no less than you.

But.

You know what really hurts?

That you guys couldn’t even last a few months. “You could be together for two year and feel nothing but in two months you can feel everything.” I saw that tweet you retweeted. I’m sorry you felt nth from us. If it makes it better I felt everything. Every memory of our kiss are still ever so sweet and every broken piece of me still hurts but I guess it is just part of growing up. Know this, I’ll always be waiting. You’ll always have a place in my heart. Always. For now I just hope you are happy and not for other reason but because you are truly happy.

8/11/2014

Man I have a feeling I’m going to lose a few friends over this but still I have to say it.

Messaging.

WhatsApp in particular. Its amazes me to no end that many people says that the last seen feature destroyed may relationship and/or friendship, and now with the implementation of the blue ticks many other relationships are going to be destroyed.

Well first of all I am a seriously busy person and God help me but I’m super forgetful as well so when I get busy and you text me bitch I aint got time asking you to wait and shit. I will just read whatever you want to say and if it is not more important than whatever work I am doing I am NOT going to reply you. I’ll probably reply you after I get my stuff done and 65% of the time I’m going to forget. I don’t know why people just think that ITE students are very free. Fuck You. You don’t know what it is like trying to get into poly with high ass standards. You are already in there and unless you are hardworking enough to want to get into uni you won’t be so free getting pissed over a guy not replying your text. If it is that important to you it is always easier to just text me again saying that it is important I’ll probably reply you. God forbid you blow up all over my ass the next moment you see me online, Bitch calm the fuck down you aint the only one who have my number. I am trying to clear my notifications so chill off and get off my ass.

Most of you probably going to wonder how my prev/future girlfriends handle that. Welllllllllll of cause they got priority la lame haha probably going to multitask while talking to them and fucking up everything. I mean, it is common knowledge that when you really want to talk to someone but have important things to do you do them at the same time right? No? Only me? ... Aww man… The amount of problems I have tho haha will need another post on that.

Anyway going back to topic. Seeshhhhh guys if you all break up over WhatsApp and its tricks you have really bad communication skills man. If normal messaging can lag or not deliver what more an online message managed by Facebook? (Face it the fb communication system is so fucked up alr you think WhatsApp will get any better?) Plus if your friends don’t want to reply you then take a hint? They probably had something pop up that they have to do. Have more trust in each other and think positive thoughts it will solve 90% of your problems.

Until next time~ 

Back To Blogging

Hello~ I guess I'm going to be officially back to blogging haha. Now that I have a laptop I'll no longer have a excuse to not blog more regularly :P
Also! I have a new blogging partner in crime haha "Her Blog"
We will be motivating each other to blog for fun really haha. I need this platform a lot actually since I usually keep to myself I tend to build up problems within myself and that annoying aura of emotions will become really apparent so I'll have to keep that in check. Its kinda like having the Hulk inside me just that I don't become super powerful, really really angry and very very green. It kinds of just wears me out usually and I've learn to hate that feeling and not embrace it. Life will be really busy now with my last semester projects. Hopefully I graduate into poly,,, Let's keep our fingers crossed