Its bad again

Some times I find it stupid and I don't understand it but other times I do.
The pain keeps you in check. You pain reminds you of what is real. That dull ache somewhere on your body reminds you of your pathetic existence.
It keeps me awake and alive so I still wake up after I sleep
I just hope the vertical line don't one day become horizontal
That one day I would give up existence in exchange for a little rest.
I am harming myself
Its getting bad again....

Family

So its been awhile since I've written something like that and still hesitant about posting this out might be kinda lame or whatever but this song really brings about a certain kind of emotion and so I'm going on with it.

First off this will be for everyone whether you are tagged or not. If you've been involved in my life for the long run or short term I thank you for your contribution to my memory bank.

Brothers, good lord, you guys been by my side for a long time and I appreciate the effort you all put bringing me into outings and stuff. I know Im not the most outgoing person in the world and I'm broke 24/7 when Im not working so it gets a little annoying but thank you for the effort you all put in. I have no idea what grade Im given as a brother in your heart but yall bastards are A+ distinction in my book.

"A friendship Turns into a bond

And that bond will never Be broke

And the love will never get lost

And when brotherhood come first

Then the line

Will never be crossed

Established it on our own

When that line had to be drawn"

I know that I can count on you when I need help and Im always just a few numbers away!

Yue Jie and JieJie Same goes for you two! I'll always be here for you guys even if I cant do much, sometimes having somebody to talk to might just help you feel better. Its been awhile since I've talk to Yue Jie, funny as it is I've always feel like I know you forever. We talk the least often but your connection with me is as deep as anybody else. Thanks for being there for me during that horrible period. I still remember that Knife I owe you for your birthday this year^^. JieJie ah Jie Jie tahan my nonsense how long already ah? Haha thanks for being there throughout the years and being the sister I never had. Thanks to the both of you keeping me emotionally stable and just taking my attitude and just being there for me whenever.

"How could we not talk about family when family's all that we got?

Everything I went through you were standing there by my side

And now you gonna be with me for the last ride"

If you are wondering why I am writing this its just that I'm going to be going through a "Checkpoint" in life and It may just decide the path I'll be walking on from now on.and I like to Thank all of you walking by my side including all those that are unable to continue walking with me. "You dont turn your back on family, even if they do." Those that left, I'll be waiting with open arms when you decide to return regardless what the rest of them think.

Thank You :')

Ride or die.(cliche I know)

RIP MR Lee Kuan Yew

So today @ 0318 today Mr Lee Kuan Yew our founding father passed...
I have no words to describe the kind of sadness I'm feeling...
Even though I may not see eye to eye to some of his and his son's rulings I will always be proud to be from Singapore.
Rest in peace... You will always be missed by all of us.

Getting better? Or worst...

So anyway updates coming slower now :P haha have been motivated to do this cause sometimes I just feel like nobody is gonna care anyway but then again its kind of like my journal so I am going to keep updating it from time to time so 20 years later or so I can relieve my youngster days haha.

Updates as follows.
Completed my final paper and it was relatively easy for me even tho there are fuck ups here and there, I hope I am able to get into a poly :(. Mom said she was confident I am able to get in but seriously the chances are damn low and I don't really wanna disappoint them anymore...

Life is relatively easy gaming a lot cause I have not much to do. Would be starting a daily-ish exercise program with Rhythmzxc to prep for his IPPT test and mine too. Can't even do much push-ups now tsk...

Throw Back

Are you totally disappointed? Is there nothing left. Why must everything be clear. Why can't just feel. I don't wanna talk cause I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything. Can't you see I'm working hard? Why else would I want to work hard? Why do I wear that everyday to school? All my unspoken work. Isn't it action louder then words. Why is it like this. Everyday I look at the ring everyday I see my promise. I will take care of you I will give you everything you wanted. All this promises sealed with the ring, like what's its called promise ring. I thought you would feel it. I thought you would see. I don't enjoy the bed. I enjoy being next to that person I'm sleeping next to. I can be on a bed of nails but if its you next to me who gives a fuck.

Since its gone did you remember bout the first ring I gave you? Can you replace with that? Keep it save? Did you loose sight of your promise? I know I'm in the wrong but I never cheated I never did all those giant unforgivable things. Why? Why must it be this way? We could have talked it through why did you have to let it free? Was the ring a burden? Did it weight you down? Do you feel free now? What if I loosed it? What would you have done? Would you go crazy? Would you start overthinking? Or are you able to trust that I remember my promised and forgive me and not ask anymore question.

I want you to tell me things. All your problems. I remember you don't trust me can't tell me things. It became a natural reaction any thing u will straight go to others. Just say you have a problem I swear I would stop everything I'm doing. It would be pointless for me otherwise. At least now you get a feel if what its like. We have been so care free for so long and suddenly it stopped. I know its hard for you but at least now I can run to you. What's happen if I start NS. I cannot come as I wish. Now I still have my holidays we can still work everything out.

I know you, sort of understands you. I just thought that it will be good for you and hope you knew what was happening. I'm sorry it turn out like this. I just thought that the idea behind all this would be strong enf for you feel what I'm trying to do. I just want the best for you. I want to give you everything you wanted I just want to know that when I lay beside you you are happy, contented. And like I said when we meet we are so happy I overlooked and failed to see the signs I'm sorry.

Let me prove to you and myself that I don't only know how to fuck things up I can work things out. Let me fully take over the space in your heart. I don't want to just be your boyfriend. I wanna oso be your best friend, the fatherly one, the problem solver. But I'm scared. If I did all these things and I go into NS then sudden stop you wont be able to take. But now we know how it might be like. Help me along the way tell me if I'm doing things right. Lets do this tgt, when we pass it there will br nothing much to fear. We came so far and yes I may be boring from time to time but my heart and thoughts are always you. I'm not that rich and I really see how tired my parents are now. My mom from cooking everyday to now out of 3 meals 2 will be take out cause she is too tired to cook. I don't want you to be like that I don't want my kids to worry about money at a young age. I don't want to be stuck in a terrible job and ending work grumpy. Take me back please give us 1 more chance. Take me back now and we can see if we could work it out. You will have you exams and I'll be starting a new term in school. I'll report to you. You just study hard and see if it works. I don't want you to go into the exams like this. Please let me in and if really really at the end of your exams you don't think I can give you the happiness you deserve then I respect your choice. But for now can you please take me back let me call you mine and try to the best of my ability to fill the space. Please. I love you

My Memories

First off the video is here: My Memories

Welp anyway slight bit of history. I loved Pokemon, ever since I was able to get a Gameboy Advance SP I knew I wanted to play Pokemon. It was the "IN" thing that people were playing and I wanted in. I still vividly remember going to Malaysia to get the game Cartridge. My first ever official game of Pokemon played was Ruby. The older games like red, yellow, blue or crystal was borrowed and stuff. So I played the shit outta the game ad restarted it like X number of time before my batteries in game died out and my berries stopped growing and the in game time stopped working. Slowly my game stopped saving and I stopped playing Pokemon after fire red/ leaf green cause I didn't have the console to play it on.

So around sec 1 the Gameboy emulator started popping up and I just finally got laptop and Internet so I found out how it works and played games I couldn't buy when I was younger. A few more years rolled by and emulators on your phone was a "Thing" so I got that too and that was when I started naming my Pokemon.

So when I first wanted to name a Pokemon after my Ex it was a long though process cause I don't do things without rhyme or reason so I finally landed on this Pokemon, Milotic.

Before its evolution it was called Feebas and was described as such "Feebas’s fins are ragged and tattered from the start of its life. Because of its shoddy appearance, this Pokémon is largely ignored. It is capable of living in both the sea and in rivers. Feebas is a shabby, old-looking fish-like Pokémon with a light brown body covered in dark, irregular spots. It has large, deep-set eyes and big, pink lips. The tail and pectoral fins are dull blue and tattered in appearance. The dorsal fin is triangular with a hole in the middle. Due to its poor appearance, it is largely ignored by Trainers and researches alike. However, this hardy Pokémon is capable of eating anything and living anywhere. It is often found in weed-choked ponds, even if only a little water is available. While there are many of this Pokémon in existence, populations tend to cluster in small areas. Once found, its dull-wits make it easy to capture."

So lets explain.  First off she is by no mean ugly in any aspect but as most girls go she don't really have the confidence in her looks so I found it fitting. Second She has had set backs in her life which I wont go into detail but she still pushes forward which I respect a lot. Finally everyone has their bimbo moments and usually hers makes her really cute in a sense and in that sense I feel that she fits the pre-evolution of Milotic.

What sealed the deal was how the Pokemon evolved. In Pokemon Emerald  Feebas will evolve after gaining a level with a master beauty contest ribbon! which also means that a Trainer have to believe/see the beauty in this otherwise normal/ less then normal looking Pokemon.

By putting Love and care into the Pokemon you will be able to help it realize what it is capable of. This is what they say about Milotic, "Milotic is said to be the most beautiful of all the Pokémon. It has the power to becalm such emotions as anger and hostility to quell bitter feuding.

Sapphire Milotic live at the bottom of large lakes. When this Pokémon's body glows a vivid pink, it releases a pulsing wave of energy that brings soothing calm to restless spirits."

Which is amazing cause heh so far she is the only one in my life which really puts her at the pinnacle of my beautiful list and the amazing thing is that she could be both beautiful and cute depending on her mood. I believe she could possibly have the amazing power to "releases a pulsing wave of energy that brings soothing calm to restless spirits" 

So basically the video just shows me bringing the Pokemon to get its memories read by the little girl. As all couples do we promised forever love and stuff but still it didn't work out in the end. Her skills were all cast on me, she attracted and captivated me while Confiding in me she does safe guard some things. While the Pokemon describes her nature as well.

All in all I made this video as I see that while I did promise I'll wait for her it seems that she is better off now and I should move on, but try as I might she did take up nearly all my memories. We really only start being independent while we were in Secondary School and being attach to her till the start of my ITE year 1 life means most of my happiest days are build around her. Hopefully I'll be able to keep bringing this Pokemon to my new Pokemon games and hopefully I'll be able to move forward again :')

21/1/2015

So I've not really post for a long time cause school was really stressful and lots of things are flying by and I can really see where this rout is gonna take me in time.
I am probably gonna be super busy and have no time for shit cause I dont really spend my time wisely and stuff, man life really gets tougher as you grow up. Hopefully I can get use to it and learn to manage my time like a boss~ Got a few post dunno weather I'll post it up or not, finding my blog getting really dark again :( heh let see how it goes?
But I'm slightly less worried bout my event already, hopefully we do well and raise my GPA however higher I can go. *A Thousand Prayers*