RIP MR Lee Kuan Yew

So today @ 0318 today Mr Lee Kuan Yew our founding father passed...
I have no words to describe the kind of sadness I'm feeling...
Even though I may not see eye to eye to some of his and his son's rulings I will always be proud to be from Singapore.
Rest in peace... You will always be missed by all of us.

Getting better? Or worst...

So anyway updates coming slower now :P haha have been motivated to do this cause sometimes I just feel like nobody is gonna care anyway but then again its kind of like my journal so I am going to keep updating it from time to time so 20 years later or so I can relieve my youngster days haha.

Updates as follows.
Completed my final paper and it was relatively easy for me even tho there are fuck ups here and there, I hope I am able to get into a poly :(. Mom said she was confident I am able to get in but seriously the chances are damn low and I don't really wanna disappoint them anymore...

Life is relatively easy gaming a lot cause I have not much to do. Would be starting a daily-ish exercise program with Rhythmzxc to prep for his IPPT test and mine too. Can't even do much push-ups now tsk...

Throw Back

Are you totally disappointed? Is there nothing left. Why must everything be clear. Why can't just feel. I don't wanna talk cause I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything. Can't you see I'm working hard? Why else would I want to work hard? Why do I wear that everyday to school? All my unspoken work. Isn't it action louder then words. Why is it like this. Everyday I look at the ring everyday I see my promise. I will take care of you I will give you everything you wanted. All this promises sealed with the ring, like what's its called promise ring. I thought you would feel it. I thought you would see. I don't enjoy the bed. I enjoy being next to that person I'm sleeping next to. I can be on a bed of nails but if its you next to me who gives a fuck.

Since its gone did you remember bout the first ring I gave you? Can you replace with that? Keep it save? Did you loose sight of your promise? I know I'm in the wrong but I never cheated I never did all those giant unforgivable things. Why? Why must it be this way? We could have talked it through why did you have to let it free? Was the ring a burden? Did it weight you down? Do you feel free now? What if I loosed it? What would you have done? Would you go crazy? Would you start overthinking? Or are you able to trust that I remember my promised and forgive me and not ask anymore question.

I want you to tell me things. All your problems. I remember you don't trust me can't tell me things. It became a natural reaction any thing u will straight go to others. Just say you have a problem I swear I would stop everything I'm doing. It would be pointless for me otherwise. At least now you get a feel if what its like. We have been so care free for so long and suddenly it stopped. I know its hard for you but at least now I can run to you. What's happen if I start NS. I cannot come as I wish. Now I still have my holidays we can still work everything out.

I know you, sort of understands you. I just thought that it will be good for you and hope you knew what was happening. I'm sorry it turn out like this. I just thought that the idea behind all this would be strong enf for you feel what I'm trying to do. I just want the best for you. I want to give you everything you wanted I just want to know that when I lay beside you you are happy, contented. And like I said when we meet we are so happy I overlooked and failed to see the signs I'm sorry.

Let me prove to you and myself that I don't only know how to fuck things up I can work things out. Let me fully take over the space in your heart. I don't want to just be your boyfriend. I wanna oso be your best friend, the fatherly one, the problem solver. But I'm scared. If I did all these things and I go into NS then sudden stop you wont be able to take. But now we know how it might be like. Help me along the way tell me if I'm doing things right. Lets do this tgt, when we pass it there will br nothing much to fear. We came so far and yes I may be boring from time to time but my heart and thoughts are always you. I'm not that rich and I really see how tired my parents are now. My mom from cooking everyday to now out of 3 meals 2 will be take out cause she is too tired to cook. I don't want you to be like that I don't want my kids to worry about money at a young age. I don't want to be stuck in a terrible job and ending work grumpy. Take me back please give us 1 more chance. Take me back now and we can see if we could work it out. You will have you exams and I'll be starting a new term in school. I'll report to you. You just study hard and see if it works. I don't want you to go into the exams like this. Please let me in and if really really at the end of your exams you don't think I can give you the happiness you deserve then I respect your choice. But for now can you please take me back let me call you mine and try to the best of my ability to fill the space. Please. I love you